Tigger or Eeyore

2016 was a year of trials for myself and from what I hear, many other people as well. From sicknesses to deaths and everything in between, we were glad to see 2016 come to an end. Hoping and praying that 2017 will bring better things.

But really, in spite of all of those many things, the thing to ponder is our response to said things. Did we push through with a smile on our face? Was that smile fake or plastered on with a false sense of peace? Did we complain and grumble with an Eeyore mindset? “Oh, woe is me…”

As a Christian, many believe that I am supposed to always have a smile on my face, with the right scripture reference to stand on and have not one complaint pass my lips. Well, if that’s the case, I failed horribly. I did/do not always have the best attitude. My perspective can be a bit skewed at times. I may lose my junk over the simplest of things. While I am a Christian, I am still human. I strive to be, even in the slightest glimpse, a reflection of Jesus. The trick to that is to be a reflection of something, you really should be pointing toward that something for its image to be portrayed. To see yourself, you have to look in the mirror, and there you will see your reflection. If you don’t look for Jesus in the midst of the trials, you won’t “mirror” His image.

I wish I could say that I consistently kept my eyes on Him this past year. There were moments where all I could get out were breath prayers to which I uttered, “God, help.” But as everyone knows, when I am weak, He is strong2nd Corinthians 12:10. I didn’t veer too much off course. I continually sought after Him; just not with as much intensity as before…and it showed.

There was a season, and still a glimpse remains, where depression snuck its ugly head in. My spirit was/is dry. Thankfully, I have an awesome husband who sees the signs and fights for me when I just can’t anymore. When I thought I was handling everything just fine, my actions started to tell me otherwise. That’s when I know it’s time to do something about it. Crack open that Bible, blare the worship music…just get still before Him.
Why am I telling you all of this personal business? Because I want others to know that when things go wrong, and they will on this side of Heaven, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You don’t have to fake it till you make it. You also don’t have to walk around with a black cloud over yourself either. Just take it one day at a time, one breath at a time if that’s where you are. Embrace the pain. Embrace the sorrow. Only through the tears will healing come. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be end up being like Tigger or than Eeyore.

Keep pressing on…pooh

#PinkHanger #DontCare

I find it amusing what seems to bother some people and others it doesn’t. Something so menial to someone can throw someone else into a raging fit that resembles a toddler in a cereal aisle, so you learn to tread carefully. But why does it have to be that way? God tells us not to sweat the small stuff. (He says it just like that, too. I’m sure of it.) But we always seem to do just that. 

pinkFor example, my husband, as awesome as he is, has a few pet peeves. I know…I can hear you gasping…SHOCKER, isn’t it? Well he does. One for instance, is putting his or Lennox’s clothes on pink hangers. Let that sink in…..yup…pink hangers! Last time I checked, the pink ones work just as fine as the black or white or even the blue ones. A hanger is a hanger, right? Well, for him, it was a big deal. I finally got him to see my understanding about it. (I tend to have that effect on him.) Then on the flip side, there are things that bother the poop out of me and he could care less about it, like sheets tucked in correctly. His side could have the sheets loose and flowing free, my side on the other hand has to be constantly tucked in or I am known for waking up just to fix it. God has really got to laugh at our little nuisances. 

We are told not to worry about everyday life. Most people have a hard time with this concept. We think that we have to have control over everything, have to have our hand in everything to feel safe and secure. But truly, it’s only when we let go and let God take control that we experience true freedom. There are still MANY things in my life that I need to let go of, and I will continue to work on that. Some things are just a matter of waking up and making a conscience choice to not worry, but instead to turn to Him and say, “God, take this. I can’t make this any better by worrying about it, but you can fix it just by being You! Help me to get out of Your way!” 

I am so thankful that He is not allowing me to stay in this corrupted mindset. I’m thankful for His discipline, even though it may suck, I know that if I heed His instruction I will begin to overcome things through Him. Then it will be onto the next item on His list. I have learned that it is okay not to be perfect. I may strive for it, but cannot beat myself up for it if it turns South. Some may look at me and think that I have it all together. Others may think that I’m failing horribly. Good thing I only have to please Him. If you come over to my home I can guarantee you will find clothes on the floor, along with the crumbs from the morning’s breakfast, clothes in the washer that have to be rewashed because I forgot to transfer them into the dryer…again,  trashcans overflowing, dishes in the sink, and smudges on my mirrors and windows. But I can also guarantee that you will find love, lots of laughter, dirty hands and feet from my kids playing happily in the yard, healthy food for them to eat, and just all around peace. Do I lose my junk? Yes! Almost every day! Do I apologize? Most definitely! My kids need to see that I will make mistakes and they need to see how I handle them. While I may fail, I do know that the good outweighs the bad. And because of this…I am choosing not to sweat the small stuff. 

 

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Life Goes On

You know the saying, “When it rains, it pours”; well this rings so true in my life right now. There are so many things that I cannot share publicly, but one includes the passing of my grandmother today. There is a peace in knowing that she lived a long life of 90 years. She was ready to go home. I asked her Friday night if she was ready to go see Jesus, and she nodded. I am not looking for sympathy. There is a calm in the midst of this storm. I can only attribute that to the Lord’s presence in my life and His loving and comforting hand. I’m also not looking for applause for how well I am handling all of this, because all glory goes to Him. Without Him, I would be one hot mess. Have I had my tears? Oh yes and more will come, but healing comes through tears. My heart hurts for my family, though. It’s so tough to see them going through so much as well. Wish I could take all of the pain away.

“Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Life does go on, indeed. In fact, I am choosing a healthier life, one that people may not understand. I am completely back on a no sugar, no gluten diet. When telling others what I cannot eat, their comments are similar to, “Well, that’s not living” or “Seems more of a hassle to me than it’s worth”. My response to that is, life is not living when you are in so much pain, when you can’t go a day without sitting on a heating pad, and when you can’t ever seem to get enough energy to do much of anything. Even a hug seems to be painful. So, is that living? Not for me. I am trying to incorporate this into my kids’ habits, but it’s a lot harder for them. They aren’t in pain. They don’t have that inside motivator. I want to spare them from this pain in the future if I can. All I can do is encourage, have them continue to taste what I’m making and pray that my example gives them the desire to eat better. They won’t have a choice when all that is in my house is fruit, veggies, meat and nuts! Oh well, children! Mean Mom is on the loose again! MUAAHHHAAAHHHAAA….

Check out these recipes that I’ve made today and are fantastic: pumpkin and almond bread with a sprinkle of honey, and a carrot and apple salad. Are you sure this is dieting?

Print Recipe

Carrot Apple Salad

Source: www.plantoeat.com

Course: Salad

Cuisine: American

Serves: 1

Ingredients

  • 14 cup fresh lemon or lime juice
  • 2 Tbs fresh orange juice
  • 1 Tbs honey
  • 2 cups apple, shredded
  • 2 cups carrots, shredded
  • 1 Tbs fresh mint or 1 tsp dried mint
  • 18 tsp salt or to taste
  • 14 cup raisins

Directions

  1. Mix together the juice and the honey. Toss with the apples and coat well (prevents browning). Add the remaining ingredients. Toss well and serve immediately.

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Print Recipe

Pumpkin and Almond Bread

Healing Foods

Replace the butter with grapeseed oil to make dairy free. Add honey or agave if you want it a little bit sweeter.

Source: www.plantoeat.com

Course: Breads

Cuisine: European

Serves: 1

Ingredients

  • 4 cups almond flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 12 tsp salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 14 cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup fresh pumpkin, cooked and mashed
  • 12 cup walnuts, chopped
  • 1 Tbs organic orange rind, grated
  • 12 tsp ground ginger

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
  2. Line a 4×8″ loaf tin with parchment paper.
  3. Combine the almond flour with the baking soda and salt. In another bowl whisk the eggs with the butter and add the remaining ingredients. Combine the almond flour with the egg mixture. Pour the dough into the prepared loaf tin and bake for 1 hour, until the top of the loaf feels firm. Remove from the oven and cool completely. Store in the refrigerator.

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Hippie Time Again

As many of you know, the whole reason I started this blog was to track my health according to my diet. I have had my ups and downs with this gluten-free diet, but overall it’s not too bad or hard. At first I wasn’t sure if it was even helping. Once I completed the Daniel fast, I went back to eating whatever. That’s when the pain began. I was never completely out of pain while on the GF diet but it was way more tolerable and not something that I constantly had on my mind. I began waking up in the middle of the night with bad joint pain in my elbows and knees. My lower back has been killing me for a few weeks now. So as the title says, it’s hippie time again! This time around I’m going to try to eat less animal products as well. My gastroenterologist told me that anima fat is bad for my colitis. Didn’t know that. Good to know now!I need to add exercise into my daily activities too. That has been said to help with fibromyalgia. 

One thing I need to be more disciplined on adding to my every day life is that quiet time with the Lord. As I write this I can imagine those that spend hours in His presence gasping, but life is busy with 3 littles, homeschooling, working part time, cleaning, cooking, laundry, home group and not to mention the aches and pains of daily living. This is not an excuse by any means. I’m just being honest. I know I’m not alone and I wish others would be as open and vulnerable so that we can encourage each other. God has been tugging at my heart to get up earlier and just sit. I seem to do good toward the beginning of the week then I start to press that snooze button even more. 

I’m so thankful that I am not the same person that I used to be, insecure, angry, bitter, etc. God has taken me a long way but I had to let Him. I had to give Him permission to speak into my heart and change me and (the key part) I had to be willing to submit and listen. This weekend there is a conference with Paul Cheetham at my church, Lafayette Vineyard. I’m excited and expecting great things! Time to stop pressing that snooze button. 

A Whirlwind of Events

Unlike my last blog, so much has changed since the last time I was able to get on here. Since my last post, I have had my mastoid bone removed, packed up and moved to a new place, put our old home up for sale which required a lot of touch-ups, started school and finally went back to work! Needless to say…life has been hectic!

I am blessed though. The story behind how we moved was truly God. We were looking for property but not wholeheartedly. One day I was praying to God about moving and while I was praying, my realtor friend texted me to say that there was 5 acres in Carencro for sale with a trailer on it and that it wasn’t on the market yet. I was the first to know. We went look at it on the Friday, offer was made on the Monday, Wednesday we were moved in. And just like that…I’m back in Carencro on family property! Truly blessed! Now I have to just sell the other place and I’ll be good to go. We will get a modular home eventually but for now we will just play catch up with the medical bills. Oh and one thing I’ve realized from going to a 2200 square foot home to a 1200 square foot trailer is…the bigger the home, the more junk you accumulate. I don’t want much bigger than this. I can take care of this and still find time to blog! Whaaaatttt…..yes!

cup-of-coffeeAs far as how I’ve been feeling, I have been feeling great! Who would have thought that removing a bone would make me go from death to life! My pastor encouraged the whole church to do a 21 day Daniel fast. Which includes no meat, dairy or sugars. Only veggies and fruit and whole grains. And drink only water. No coffee? What?! No sugar?
Ok…I can do this! So we started that and had the normal headaches from withdrawals, but eventually I started feeling better. Had more energy. Now, I also started a new thyroid med at the same time, so I’m not sure if it was just diet or meds or a combination of both. Either way, I felt good. Now the fast is over but we plan to still eat very similar, but adding coffee and occasional meat. We will have our treats on the weekends. I’ll let you know as I add stuff back if it was just the diet or the meds. Stay tuned! And thanks for all of the prayers!

Under the Knife…Again

Not much has changed since my last post. I’m still in pain and suffering from extreme dizziness. I know own CVS. I need to invest in one of those old people pill boxes to keep track. (I wish I could say I was joking, but I’m almost at that point.) After just under 2 months of dealing with this, it will hopefully come to somewhat of an end tomorrow. We found a doctor in Lafayette that is going to do my surgery tomorrow. As of right now, he is going to do a mastoidectomy, which is removing the infected bones. There could be a cyst/tumor there, but he won’t know until he gets in there. The next couple of weeks should be interesting. I’m not sure what to expect, as far as the pain goes, but I can be sure that there will be pain.

laneyI have had to rely on friends and family so much lately. I love that I have their support, but I hate having to burden people with that stuff, even though they say it’s not a bother. My life has basically come to a complete halt. Laney’s birthday was Friday and we are having to postpone her party. I had things planned with friends that had to be pushed back. Haven’t been to church or work in a while! I miss people.

This too shall pass. One day when I throwing an amazing pity party (no one was invited, so don’t get offended) I realized that my feeling of loneliness and need for companionship needed to be taken to God. He needs to be the one to fill that gap. Yes, God created us to be there for each other, but my “need” was for my friends to do what only God could do. If I would have relied on my friends, then it would have been an unhealthy situation on my part. Once I checked my heart and took it to the Lord, things started to seem easier to deal with. It’s not that the problems went away, the depression lifted and and I felt His peace. When my friends did come over, I was able to just enjoy their company rather than snot all over their shoulders with my self-pity. I’m so grateful that we have a Father that is willing to carry the load for us when it gets too heavy.

Now, as far as the GF diet….that’s been non-existent. Can’t be picky when you can fix your own food. Once I’m better, I plan on getting back on track. I have the typical “wheat belly”. So bloated and look pregnant. I just feel gross eating the way I am. Weird too, because I no longer crave salads. All I want is junk. Sugar is a drug and I hate to admit, but I’m addicted. But I will conquer this addiction! Just you wait and see………

FYI: I’m on pain meds and don’t feel like proofreading this, so if you see typos, get over it!

Medical Malpractice?

You may have wondered why I seem to have dropped off the face of the Earth. Well, basically…I’ve been sick. Memorial Day began with a terrible migraine, vomiting and extreme dizziness. Little did I know, that migraine would last quite a while. I take my meds like a good little girl. I went to the chiropractor and physical therapy. I even got a massage. Very little relief was given. I went to Lourdes ER on the Saturday after Memorial Day for a CT scan. I was sent home because they said that the scan was normal. It seemed to be a tension headache. I was sent home with some different medications that did not work.

I begin the next week the same was as I did the previous, in pain and still dizzy! My GP was out on vacation that week, so I really had no other options but to wait until the following week. After another week of the same symptoms, I finally was able to go see my GP on the Tuesday. This is two weeks after symptoms began.

As I’m discussing things with her, I asked her about the CT scan. When she pulls it up, I noticed at the bottom that it stated, “right mastoid sinusitis.” Now I’m no doctor, but I can tell you that isn’t a “normal” CT scan. My daughter had mastoiditis when she was one so I was familiar with this term and new it wasn’t good. (Mastoiditis is a bacterial infection in the bones behind the ear.) FYI: I did not have ear pain.132667

My doctor was floored that they didn’t catch that, as was I! I went two weeks with something that could have been taken care of by antibiotics, but instead, I was being admitting into the hospital, LGMC. Once there, I was to remain in ER until a room became available. I was supposed to be receiving my antibiotic drip during my wait.

I got to the ER around 3pm. My doctor came to check on my just after 5pm. I had no blanket, no pillow and no water, which I had been asking for these for the past two hours! My dr went to get those things for me, had me lie down and covered me up. She then went to make sure that my medicine was ordered and soon to be given. I did not receive my medicine until 8:30pm. That’s 5 1/2 hours in the ER with nothing to show for it. No rooms ended up being available until the next day.

Once I was in my own room, things got better. I remained on antibiotics and pain meds, until I was able to consult my ENT. When she came, we decided to remove and replace my current tube in my ear. I waited all day Thursday for surgery, but kept getting pushed back. The pain meds were not helping but for only an hour, so I spent most of the day with a black shirt over my head to block the sun and an ice pack. Mind you, I could not eat or drink. By 5:00, we realized that I wasn’t going to have surgery, so I demanded food! I was about to walk out in my gown with the back open and my slippers just to get food, if I had to.

Friday was the day. Surgery went as planned. Dr told David that there was so much fluid that she had to suck some out before she could even get to the tube, then suck more out once the tube was removed. I was able to go home after that. I spent the weekend as I did the past few weeks, resting with pain meds. I go for a checkup on Wednesday. There is a possibility that I may have to go see another specialist in BR to see about cutting behind my ear to clean the bone or remove it completely. I wish I could say that I’m feeling better, but I’m not.

So that’s my story in a nutshell. Thank God for friends and family who have pitched in to help and have been praying for me. As far as my diet goes, maybe one day I’ll start it up again. 🙂